An Entry For Him

22nd December 09' (Tuesday)

This blog of mine will not exist, if we are still together now.

Since the 1st day that we had broke off, I started to post an entry everyday. There's so much things that I want to say to you in person, but I know you will not want to speak to me at that moment. I felt so lost, heart so pain... It's like a doomsday for me. Everything looks so fine & I didnt expect it will happen so dramatically. Yup, it's my fault. I am the one who created this, so I shall be the one who clear up this mess. Time & Time, you given me a lot of chances. I don't know how to treasure it. Maybe I am too sensitive in some aspects.

I had lost concentration in work. I key in the wrong price, wrong customer code, wrong quantity during this months. I don't wish to commit the mistakes, but I can't help it. I had already double check, but it still happens. I did took some days of leaves to have a rest, but the most is only 2 days. I am tired, really tired. I know you will not read the blog I had written for you but I got a feeling you got read it, but you said the opposite of what you said. I... I really don't know. It's just a conjecture only. If feeling is so accurate, everyone goes by feeling & not actions to prove it.

I stopped writing the blog for you after a month of our breakup. But 1 week later, I wrote again. Though I didn't have the right or chance to see you, but at least I have the right to say how much I miss or love you in my own blog. I am tempted to go over to your place there when I suddenly missed you so much. I really really want to see you. Sometimes I am thinking what if I am able to see you? Will seeing you bring you back or bring us back to the past? No, it won't. In the end, I never go cuz I know you wouldn't like me to appear. Your face will turn black & I don't want to see you having an angry face bcuz of me. I want to see your smile.
After living 46 days of singlehood, how do you feel? You must be delighted enough to do the things you like, no restrictions. Your bike has taken my position to be your precious one. It's No.1 now & I am don't know what position also. Maybe no position at all.