Monday, 22 February 2010

I Must Be Firm & Hold My Stand (Part 1)

It's just only a day before, when we exchange our smses. Didn't expect he drop me an sms for today. Well, I just replied what he wants. I don't know should I feel happy or feel awkward between us. Happy in the sense is, what I wanted (Reconcilation - Patch Back & His Regrets) has come true. Awkward is, is this for real or a joke? I don't believe it...

He told me he has learned the hard way, knew his mistakes & will there be any chances given. I was like "Huh... Do you mean a reconcilation?" I took few minutes to think before replying. My fingers are shivering when I am thinking. How could this be? What am I supposed to do now? There's no one, but I can only help myself.

Don't worry. I didn't reply "Yes" even though how much I wanted to be, as I knew things will never be the same again. Neverthless, I gave him a reply "To be frank, I had my mistakes as well. I don't know why you said this way, but there's a reason behind it. There's no returning but only a brand new path of starting afresh, if you truly truly understand & able to accept this circumstances again" .

It seems like the way which I responsded, is going to give him 1 more chance, though I didn't state clearly.

CINDY CINDY!!! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO???

In the past, when I am pleading for a chance to be given, did he give it? I tried so hard, yet was being rejected!!! The only last thing he given to me, is a phone conversation on our next break off day. Why is it that I am so soft hearted & willing to give him a chance again? Yes, I admit I still had feelings for him, but that doesn't mean I should give him a chance so easily, when he requested it.

I must played it hard! But how to played? I...I don't know how  to react at that point of time. I don't wish to say any hurtful words cuz I know the only thing he hurts me, is breaking off with me. He didn't say anything bad in front of me, when we broke off. Aiyo... I am such a failure, argh!!!!

He seems to be confidence, as he drop me another reply stating there's some trash need to be cleared & am I able to wait for him till 25th May (Our 1st Date). I don't know what trash is he refering too, but he still remember our 1st Date.

I gave him a last reply, yes a last reply. It's a courteous one which I stated "You can clear the trash you wanted. Don't give yourself a limit in the things you need to settle. Just go with the normal flow. Sometimes, things that is being promised, will break it 1 day. Don't force yourself. Don't force yourself. That's all I need to say.

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